Episode 1.2

"The Same Old Story"

Review by Bam

*****Spoilers Herein*****Foul Language Warning*****

 

Fun Fact (Or maybe a who-the-fuck-cares-fact)- Tonight is the start of Fox’s usage of old song/album titles  (Pennywise) as episodes (Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles will use REM’s Automatic for the People.)  Yes I just got paid for that… hahaha.

  

We started off with a post coital discussion in a hotel between tow lovers. Mushroom pizza pillow talk… gee that’s great content Fucken A. J.J. Abrams! Next she says “My name is not amber..  It’s Loraine daisy, Amber’s the name that I strip to. What kind of a dumbass mom doesn’t spell her kids name correctly. What s sad is that this woman is a representative of a large part of the population. Ok Now This scientist dude has a speed impregnated a ho. It burst out of her . like something out of aliens. Freaky.

 

Ok now the secret agency meets to find out about the team. .. hmm. Flashback.. damn Anna Torv is hot. She goes to pick up the gang.  Now Walter sleeps in the closet. Then he says a seat cover is amazing because it warms your ass! Perfect!.

 

Now they go and review the baby who was artificially aged to become an 80 year old in 4 hours. Freaky visuals are the order of the day.

 

Next the big government cheeses discuss the Pattern. ( the coordinated set of scientific attacks that the show is based on.) Next the duo of Olivia  and Peter go to the hotel=2 0and see the orange gel that causes this mess. Ok so now we are tracking a murdering bastard that goes to strip clubs in order to find chicks to kill by pulling a girls face over her head. Sounds like the murderer has mommy issues.

 

Now the murderer found a really dumb ho. She let him take her to an abandoned warehouse where he stabs her with a muscle relaxer.

 

The next thing we see is Walter Bishop is milking the cow. Then he found his old car. It was filled with jars of dead shit. This car reminds me of my car. 

 

Dunham gets picked up in the old 70’s jalopy. Later they talk about a colleague of bishop’s that studied how to deal with pituitary issues, Claus Penrose.

 

The team talks to Penrose. He says he doesn’t work on his old work. Horseshit!

 

The Bishops figure out that Penrose was working on a super-soldier program- a 3 year old could be progressed to the age of 21. This genetic disorder was passed on from murderous test –tube father to unwitting son. The only cure—a freaking cocktail made of pituitary gland hormones from dead hookers and hoes.

 

We cut to Claus telling his soldier-boy-murderer that he only needs one more pituitary before he could be ok.

 

Bullshit moment of the week. They are going to use the images from the dead girl’s retina and place them on the screen with a massive dynamic electronic pulse camera prototype .

 

Dunham has to be thinking "how the fuck does this massive dynamic lady know what the hell she and traitor –resurrectee Scott were up to? "

 

Cut back to the lab. They plucked out the chicks eye and are taking strobe photos of her  retina. Freaky.

 

Murderdude gets caught with a bunch of bullshit google maps and fake 3-d mapping programs they don’t even have on Battlestar Galactica.

 

They caught both the evil scientist and murderdude.  Penrose got away!  The fucker!

 

Now peter is going to make a defibrillator to save the ho.  200 volts cardiac resuscitation –Crispy bitch is on the menu.  Ok Dunham was chasing the murderer. Without his meds  the kid started to age. Now he’s dead. Trippy.

 

We return to massive dynamic – they want to buy Dunham- man that cyborg bitch is nuts.  We also see Peter wont sign out to the Federal government. Smart move man!

 

Walter tells Olivia that Peter was experimented on. Later that night we see that Walter is batshit crazy. He starts counting to try to go to sleep. Why not try thinking about the phonebook or smelly socks. Now he starts singing row row row your boat to fall asleep. The final shot was a cut to see more soldier clones.

Recap  Yeah we just saw a baby age it’s life span in a matter of hours. This could be used as a weapon. Just think of the horrible possibilities. Sometimes science fiction shows scare the shit out of me because the practice of science can exist without morals in extreme real-life cases.  I just really hope there is no one out there willing to attempt to isolate the metabolic pathways dealing with telomers. (The caps at the end of the chromosomes that are possibly responsible for cellular timekeeping. These caps actually get shorter as we get older. They protect the DNA near the ends from damage) You fuckers didn’t really think you were going to get a science lesson did ya?  Anyways I hope you had as much fun as I did digesting this awesome bullshit.